Saturday, 23 August 2008

Z indulges in self-delusion, but if one knows one is deluding oneself, is one deluded?

I do cheat like anything, you know. I weigh myself on a good day and then that is my weight until another good day. If I weighed myself weekly on the same day, then the fluctuation would not please me at all. I AM losing weight, there my weight goes down and I only want the good news.

But, and I may be a bit unpopular in saying this, I can sort of afford to play this sort of game because my weight really is going down. I don't see the point in saying I'm dieting, really wanting to diet, taking the exercise and then eating a packet of biscuits or a pork pie. If I do that I won't lose weight or will put back what I lost and my hard work will be wasted. I don't diet all week to blow it all at the weekend. And I don't eat what I am not supposed to just for the sake of eating. For example, when looking for something for lunch, if there is only cheddar in the fridge I'll just have ricecakes or a slice of bread rather than eat it. I will use cheddar in cooking, but a chunk for a meal isn't something I have. And because it's something I don't eat, the thought of breaking the diet just because it's a mealtime is not an option.

Having said that, I'm a lot more relaxed than I was at the start, but only if social circumstances indicate. So if I'm out for a meal with friends and everyone else is having pudding, I will too. I'll refuse extra cream and I won't choose the evillest thing on the menu, and indeed I'll probably leave a bit anyway, but I'll join in and enjoy it. But I wouldn't eat it at home on my own.

Today I haven't eaten much, actually. And forget fruit and veg. I had a slice of dry toast for breakfast, a couple of oatcakes with a couple of teaspoonfuls of cottage cheese for lunch and that was it until dinner out, when I had a not-huge portion of roast beef and salad, which included coleslaw admittedly but at least it was home-made and so had a moderate quantity of dressing, unlike the bought ones which have vast quantities of cheap and fatty mayo. I threw caution to the winds later and had a nice honey and ginger ice cream, but I could afford to really. Last week, when kind friends took me out for tea and a scone, I skipped the ice cream when out later (which I'd rather have had than the scone really, but politeness prevails).

After several months of scoffing rice cakes when hungry between meals, I am now rarely hungry between meals. However, the rest of the family has discovered that they, and corn cakes, are nicer than they look and now my supply is often raided.

I ate a lot the other day, at the wedding I went to. But I skipped breakfast, ate a vegetarian Indian lunch, then had nothing more until about 9 o'clock when I had a vegetarian Indian dinner. Even if it was quite high in fat, which it might have been, I can't think it mattered.

I think not eating in between meals is a Good Thing. At the moment anyway. I may change my mind in a while.

No comments: