Being let down by one's body.

I don't feel any different at all, even though I know I'm smaller by the fact that clothes which used to fit now hang loosely. I tried on a very old skirt this morning - it must be quite 15 years old, maybe more, which is a size 12. Size 12s are much bigger now, I might add. I could get it on and do the zip up, but it's still a bit snug so I'm not wearing it yet. I also discovered a pink wool shift dress which must date from the late 60s which I kept from sentiment. It's got some moth holes, so I can't wear it again, but when I fit into that I'll know I'm back to teenage size...okay, that might not happen. It's a size 12 and firmly states that this measures 34-24-36, which size 12 did in those far off days.

I've had a busy and rather strenuous weekend with a lot of bustling about and carrying of grandchildren, with the result that yesterday afternoon I was limping heavily and my hip kept giving way. It's not so bad as that this morning, but is still sore and painful and I can't walk far without limping. It hasn't been like that for some while and it was something of a shock. I'm taking it that it's temporary and that there's a reason for it, but I know that when I reach the stage that I'm like that most of the time, I'll need a new hip. It's spurring me on. Greater strength and fitness and a lower weight will stave off that day. I don't want an operation any sooner than I must have it; not only because it is a major op but also because it won't last forever and will eventually have to be done again.

Being heavier than I should be hasn't caused the arthritis, that's heredity, but it is making it hurt more than it would otherwise. I am quite tough when it comes to pain and can take more than you'd think when you see the delicate little flower I appear to be, but I can't help the limp, nor the sudden squeal when I lurch painfully. Fortunately, adversity makes me both tenacious and aggressive and I'm feeling more determined than depressed.