See, my lovely, hilarious and frankly just adorable wife has been ripping the piss out of me recently. Why?
Well, I don't do a lot of weights – I put muscle on very easily, and can't see the point in it. I don't like doing things I find easy, as a rule. But as mentioned, I've been doing lots of dips in the gym. They're hard, and I enjoy it. It's the exercise when you raise and lower your bodyweight on a stand, with your feet off the floor. I've been doing it on a resistance machine which offsets a proportion of your weight. Well, I'm around 105 kilos, and I've been offsetting about 20 of those, so I'm dipping 85 kilos. It's had a noticable effect on my chest, arms and shoulders – they're all tighter and stronger, for example.
But my chest... Well, I had fairly large pectorals when myself and Zöe met, and she loved my chest. It was fun for me, too. A few months without exercise and it went a bit soft, but still…
Anyway, my pecs are rather large again. Probably bigger than before, and a better shape, and certainly stronger.
So what does my darling do to encourage me in the gym? She notices the flabby bits on my ManBoobs (aka 'moobs') appparently look like fig biscuits. Fig fucking biscuits, I ask you. So she grabs at them, shouting 'Fiiiigs!' at the top of her voice which, as annoying as it is, I can't help laughing at. It is bloody hilarious, honestly.
They don't look very figgy from my angle, for the record.