Whilst taking a break from trying to lose weight, I've been taking notice of weak spots in my overeating defences. I'm eating pretty well as I'll eat once I've reached the weight I should be and have not reverted to the chocolate biscuit habit. I've already mentioned the cheese thing more than once, which is something I'll have to watch, but there is another.
Nuts.
When it was fresh cobnut season and then wet walnut season, there was an excuse. They're around for such a short time. But now there are the new season chestnuts and walnuts, and Al has just got in a new bag of peanuts. I made the mistake of bringing home a mixed bag the other night. The Sage and Ro ate a few, but I ate more. I wouldn't have been tempted to eat anything after dinner if they weren't there, but as it was I chomped steadily through. It didn't add up to much, but it was unnecessary.
A friend proudly told me he kept a bag of nuts and raisins or some dried apricots in his car, so that he wouldn't eat sweets. Yes, better than sweets, but it's only a 40 minute drive home, why does he need anything at all? Better to wait and eat some raw carrots and celery while you're cooking dinner. I didn't say this to him. If he had been eating toffees, then of course the nuts are better. But WE DON'T NEED SNACKS.
When I was growing up, we didn't have snacks very often. Some people did - there was a girl called Sandra who seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of sweets, which she was very generous at sharing. I didn't get many sweets and longed for them (though rarely accepted hers, because I couldn't reciprocate). Even rarer was a packet of crisps. I remember once having a bad dose of flu and my mother making up a trayful of tempting little eats - a few grapes, some crisps, some tiny cheese biscuits, a few Midget Gem biscuits - and I stared at them longingly, unable to eat a mouthful. Once I was on the mend, it didn't occur to her to offer them again and I have regretted missing those treats ever since.
I'm best eating proper meals and in my thin days (8 stone-ish) it was good for me to have a small in-between snack to keep myself going, as I didn't eat much at a meal. For example, dry toast for breakfast, an apple mid-morning, a salad sandwich and a yoghurt for lunch, a couple of biscuits mid-afternoon, some crudités early evening before dinner. But they were balanced in with what I ate. These nuts the other night were extras. There was nothing wrong with them in themselves, although I ate rather too many, and they were delicious. But, being a healthy, if high fat, snack, it's easy to think they're all right. They are not. I mustn't do it again too often.
Saturday, 29 November 2008
Sunday, 16 November 2008
Which way?
There are several points where one can come unstuck in the weight-loss stakes, and I've reached one of them. I don't know if I will, however and will have to wait and see.
First, it's going from a wish, an intention, a need to lose weight to starting to do so. Then, after the first enthusiastic rigour, when you've lost several pounds quickly, it's not to give up or at least start to slip into old habits when it gets boring or you crave your favourite indulgences and you feel impatient because the weight loss has slowed, however hard you've tried. If you're doing a lot of exercising, you feel you should be rewarded by weight loss, but it takes a long time to burn off fat by exercise. It does speed up the metabolism and tone you, but actually losing weight with exercise but without dieting takes a long time.
I got through both those stages and now I'm on a plateau. This isn't exactly a dieting plateau, because I'm not trying to lose weight just now - in fact, I said a long time ago that I'm eating the way I need always to eat now, so in that sense I'm not doing anything 'wrong' in any case. But I'm not behaving quite as I have been - partly that's because it's physically more difficult to cycle as much as I did in the summer; but actually it's not as hard as it was this time last year. There are slopes I didn't attempt or got off half-way that now, if I find it tough, I just stand up on the pedals and slog up and wouldn't dream of walking. Partly, I admit, it's laziness. I'm finding it harder than I did a couple of months ago, so I'm less inclined to bother. Last November, I cycled nearly every day, come what may, but now I'm bringing home enough food for two or three days rather than fetching it daily. I can't let this last long, I need to get going - my hip needs the activity as much as anything else.
Of course, if I get going again and lose those final pounds, I'm not in the clear - will I ever be? Last time I lost all the weight (and a bit more) that I'd wanted to, I effortlessly stayed at that weight for several years. I became complacent. You can get away with quite a bit, once in a while. Trouble is, the odd chocolate biscuit or handful of peanuts, whatever your poison is, becomes a habit. And fat and sugar are highly cravable. And if you start to gain weight again, it seems almost impossible to stop.
As I was grating some cheese for a beetroot risotto tonight, I realised it would be the first cheese I'd eaten in at least a week. I've not been in to town on a Thursday, so haven't bought cheese at the stall (and have walked past the tempting deli) for three weeks. So, apart from cheddar for cooking (and for the Sage), I haven't had any in the house. For a week or two, I used it a lot in cooking, but last week it so happened that I didn't. So I've lost the craving - as long as putting it in the risotto doesn't bring it on again. I hope not, I couldn't actually separate out the flavour of cheese from the rest of it.
I've been quite hungry on a couple of days this week. One day, I hopelessly craved sugar. I didn't have any sweets in the house, or I'd have eaten a couple of jelly babies or wine gums. I had chocolate, sesame snaps and biscuits in the house, but instead I ate a couple of teaspoonfuls of the quince jelly I made the other week. I figured it wasn't so bad - fruit juice and sugar only. And one can't eat a whole lot of it.
And I've scoffed huge quantities of raw carrots. A bunch lasts two days - not sure how many that is, 10 or 12, I suppose. That's in addition to those I eat as I prepare them for a meal. I have to do more than we need of all vegetables. Sprouts, leeks, turnip, whatever - I steal bits from the pan before putting them on to cook.
First, it's going from a wish, an intention, a need to lose weight to starting to do so. Then, after the first enthusiastic rigour, when you've lost several pounds quickly, it's not to give up or at least start to slip into old habits when it gets boring or you crave your favourite indulgences and you feel impatient because the weight loss has slowed, however hard you've tried. If you're doing a lot of exercising, you feel you should be rewarded by weight loss, but it takes a long time to burn off fat by exercise. It does speed up the metabolism and tone you, but actually losing weight with exercise but without dieting takes a long time.
I got through both those stages and now I'm on a plateau. This isn't exactly a dieting plateau, because I'm not trying to lose weight just now - in fact, I said a long time ago that I'm eating the way I need always to eat now, so in that sense I'm not doing anything 'wrong' in any case. But I'm not behaving quite as I have been - partly that's because it's physically more difficult to cycle as much as I did in the summer; but actually it's not as hard as it was this time last year. There are slopes I didn't attempt or got off half-way that now, if I find it tough, I just stand up on the pedals and slog up and wouldn't dream of walking. Partly, I admit, it's laziness. I'm finding it harder than I did a couple of months ago, so I'm less inclined to bother. Last November, I cycled nearly every day, come what may, but now I'm bringing home enough food for two or three days rather than fetching it daily. I can't let this last long, I need to get going - my hip needs the activity as much as anything else.
Of course, if I get going again and lose those final pounds, I'm not in the clear - will I ever be? Last time I lost all the weight (and a bit more) that I'd wanted to, I effortlessly stayed at that weight for several years. I became complacent. You can get away with quite a bit, once in a while. Trouble is, the odd chocolate biscuit or handful of peanuts, whatever your poison is, becomes a habit. And fat and sugar are highly cravable. And if you start to gain weight again, it seems almost impossible to stop.
As I was grating some cheese for a beetroot risotto tonight, I realised it would be the first cheese I'd eaten in at least a week. I've not been in to town on a Thursday, so haven't bought cheese at the stall (and have walked past the tempting deli) for three weeks. So, apart from cheddar for cooking (and for the Sage), I haven't had any in the house. For a week or two, I used it a lot in cooking, but last week it so happened that I didn't. So I've lost the craving - as long as putting it in the risotto doesn't bring it on again. I hope not, I couldn't actually separate out the flavour of cheese from the rest of it.
I've been quite hungry on a couple of days this week. One day, I hopelessly craved sugar. I didn't have any sweets in the house, or I'd have eaten a couple of jelly babies or wine gums. I had chocolate, sesame snaps and biscuits in the house, but instead I ate a couple of teaspoonfuls of the quince jelly I made the other week. I figured it wasn't so bad - fruit juice and sugar only. And one can't eat a whole lot of it.
And I've scoffed huge quantities of raw carrots. A bunch lasts two days - not sure how many that is, 10 or 12, I suppose. That's in addition to those I eat as I prepare them for a meal. I have to do more than we need of all vegetables. Sprouts, leeks, turnip, whatever - I steal bits from the pan before putting them on to cook.
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Mystery solved
I think I know why cycling has been a bit hard the last few weeks. I went to give blood today and my haemoglobin level is too low. Not by much, and I'm only borderline anaemic, but it explains a lot.
So, why?
Well, I think I might always have had a tendency to a low level of iron in my blood. I recognise how I feel, and it's what I sometimes used to feel like when I was thinner. The only times I've actually been diagnosed anaemic, though, were when I was pregnant and then I used to feel awful and iron tablets, given out routinely in those days, were not enough and I used to have to have beastly iron injections and then follow up with double iron rations, if you see what I mean, to keep my iron level up to an acceptable amount - which for me is over 12. At present, it's 11.4. If it were about 10, I'd feel awful, so I don't want to get worse.
I suspect that generally eating a bit more has kept me going over the past few years. Mind you, I have been aware of iron levels, which is one reason I've been eating more red meat than I would have if I'd been trying to lose weight quickly.
However, I've been eating less meat in the last couple of months or so, largely because I've been eating more fish. I still have lots of vegetables, wholemeal bread and a generally good diet, but it's evidently not enough. So it'll be steak for dinner tomorrow and I'll up my consumption of eggs, dark green vegetables and such things. I will also take an iron supplement - Weeza recommends Floradix - until I feel right. I'll know when I am.
I haven't lost any weight recently, but then I haven't been trying to. As long as I don't put any on, I don't mind for a month or two.
So, why?
Well, I think I might always have had a tendency to a low level of iron in my blood. I recognise how I feel, and it's what I sometimes used to feel like when I was thinner. The only times I've actually been diagnosed anaemic, though, were when I was pregnant and then I used to feel awful and iron tablets, given out routinely in those days, were not enough and I used to have to have beastly iron injections and then follow up with double iron rations, if you see what I mean, to keep my iron level up to an acceptable amount - which for me is over 12. At present, it's 11.4. If it were about 10, I'd feel awful, so I don't want to get worse.
I suspect that generally eating a bit more has kept me going over the past few years. Mind you, I have been aware of iron levels, which is one reason I've been eating more red meat than I would have if I'd been trying to lose weight quickly.
However, I've been eating less meat in the last couple of months or so, largely because I've been eating more fish. I still have lots of vegetables, wholemeal bread and a generally good diet, but it's evidently not enough. So it'll be steak for dinner tomorrow and I'll up my consumption of eggs, dark green vegetables and such things. I will also take an iron supplement - Weeza recommends Floradix - until I feel right. I'll know when I am.
I haven't lost any weight recently, but then I haven't been trying to. As long as I don't put any on, I don't mind for a month or two.
Feeling groovy again
Well, I've been for a few runs in the last couple of weeks. I'm still struggling to get out of bed early to do them, and in fact I've only managed that twice; other runs have been on the gym treadmill, which I really dislike so it's the devil or the deep blue sea.
Anyway, the running is going well. I can now run 20 minutes quite comfortably, and tomorrow morning I'll have a crack at doing that on the road. I can usually run better and further on the road, but we shall see.
I am also doing my belt up two notches below the usual... Again. But it's comfortable now, especially so since a session on the gym ball on Tuesday. My weight is slightly lower than it was, but I think this might be down to losing muscle in the six weeks without exercise rather than anything else.
Diet's been great on the whole, not really eating any crap. Sadly though, on Saturday I fly to Vegas for a week. It's in the desert, but in the context of Las Vegas food, desert should mean 'a place without fruit or vegetables'. It is very, very hard to eat nice food there, so I suspect any sushi places I find are going to get hit quite hard. But I am taking my running shoes and all the gear with me, so it won't lapse while I'm gone. We have three days to chill before doing any work too, which could be amusing.
In short, it's all good here. Life's been quite tough the last few months, and continues to be so, but at least I now have the meditative salve of running to help put things into perspective. It really does help me deal with life, and makes me a happier person too. Yay running.
Anyway, the running is going well. I can now run 20 minutes quite comfortably, and tomorrow morning I'll have a crack at doing that on the road. I can usually run better and further on the road, but we shall see.
I am also doing my belt up two notches below the usual... Again. But it's comfortable now, especially so since a session on the gym ball on Tuesday. My weight is slightly lower than it was, but I think this might be down to losing muscle in the six weeks without exercise rather than anything else.
Diet's been great on the whole, not really eating any crap. Sadly though, on Saturday I fly to Vegas for a week. It's in the desert, but in the context of Las Vegas food, desert should mean 'a place without fruit or vegetables'. It is very, very hard to eat nice food there, so I suspect any sushi places I find are going to get hit quite hard. But I am taking my running shoes and all the gear with me, so it won't lapse while I'm gone. We have three days to chill before doing any work too, which could be amusing.
In short, it's all good here. Life's been quite tough the last few months, and continues to be so, but at least I now have the meditative salve of running to help put things into perspective. It really does help me deal with life, and makes me a happier person too. Yay running.
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
Boo
Maybe it's just the weather. I still feel perfectly well and am not lacking in energy, nor am I tired, but I hurt more than I did. Not more than I did a year ago - it hasn't occurred to me to take painkillers, which I had done whenever I expected to be busier than usual or, if I forgot, as a hasty result of it, and I haven't been kept awake by not having a comfortable side to lie on, and I don't have to crawl to a table to haul myself up from a kneeling position - so I am better than I was, but having been considerably better during the summer, it comes a bit hard to feel creaky and old again. Especially as I'm too proud to admit it. I've told people I'm loads better, and I am, so i can't go back on it. I'm still saying "oh pfft, I'll stave off this operation for years yet." And so I will. Well, I suppose so.
I do think it is the weather; colder and wetter, that is making the arthritis hurt more, but I'm bored and disappointed that cycling is such an effort. I feel that I'm starting from the beginning again, and I don't have the incentive any more. I do have the habit, though, and the stubbornness, so I won't slacken. But I can feel the ache of my muscles, and they feel so much firmer, so why aren't they doing the job without so much effort? It's not as if I'm expecting more than I was - well, that isn't quite so. I know that there are bits of road I could do now that I got off and walked up back in the spring - but everyone else seems to do it easily and I find it so hard. Boo. Though not Hoo, of course. I am stubborn, after all.
I do think it is the weather; colder and wetter, that is making the arthritis hurt more, but I'm bored and disappointed that cycling is such an effort. I feel that I'm starting from the beginning again, and I don't have the incentive any more. I do have the habit, though, and the stubbornness, so I won't slacken. But I can feel the ache of my muscles, and they feel so much firmer, so why aren't they doing the job without so much effort? It's not as if I'm expecting more than I was - well, that isn't quite so. I know that there are bits of road I could do now that I got off and walked up back in the spring - but everyone else seems to do it easily and I find it so hard. Boo. Though not Hoo, of course. I am stubborn, after all.
Sunday, 26 October 2008
Z mustn't become too pleased with progress
More compliments, two people today said that surely I don't want to lose any more weight as I look just right now. I've explained that I'm still under doctor's orders; that is, he's advised me to drop to below 9 stone. I can't help feeling more relaxed about it - but on the other hand, if I'm too relaxed I won't lose any weight at all. I'm aware, as I come up to a year of losing weight, that I'm eating a whole less carefully than I did last November. I think that's probably natural - your best chance of getting into good habits is at the start, when you're enthusiastic and disciplined and if you are too much of a killjoy for too long, your social life goes to pot, for a start.
My hip has been giving me some trouble though. I don't think it's anything significant, in that I don't expect that it has suddenly deteriorated, but it is a reminder of what this is all for. It's nice to get compliments, but I need to put less strain on my joints. And, in today's wet weather, my hands weren't all they could be. I'm just at the start of cracking up and I need to keep my body mobile until my liver packs up at any rate.
My hip has been giving me some trouble though. I don't think it's anything significant, in that I don't expect that it has suddenly deteriorated, but it is a reminder of what this is all for. It's nice to get compliments, but I need to put less strain on my joints. And, in today's wet weather, my hands weren't all they could be. I'm just at the start of cracking up and I need to keep my body mobile until my liver packs up at any rate.
Saturday, 25 October 2008
Z was overoptimistic, and now isn't
I'm feeling a bit morose and gloomy, because I keep finding all over again how little strength I have. I helped carry some tables yesterday - they are not all that big, a bit bigger than card tables, but they have iron legs and are heavy. They belong to the village hall, but we borrowed them for a doo at the church hall. When Ro was little and we went to the mother and toddler group, I used to shift them without difficulty, but now, having carried a few, my bolt was shot and my arms and legs are still aching today. I made heavy weather of cycling a few miles.
I'm not sure why this is - okay, I suppose I shouldn't expect to be as strong as I was over 20 years ago, but I don't see why I feel no fitter, when cycling, than I did a year ago. I've been careful to eat a balanced and good diet and to diet slowly so that I don't lose muscle rather than fat, and as you know I've been cycling several days a week throughout the year. I don't mind progress being slow, but at the moment I feel that I'm losing ground rather than gaining it. It could be that the arthritis is getting slightly worse and this is counteracting the benefit of losing weight, or it could be that I'm just a bit tired or it may be what I should expect at my age, or it could be an effect of losing weight. My leg muscles are certainly toned, but that doesn't mean they are working better. It's a nuisance because I'd like to be cycling further afield, but it's such a slog when going up the most modest hill that there is no pleasure or feeling of satisfaction in it.
I'll persevere of course and maybe I shouldn't expect more - I said a long time ago that, when thinner, I used to not have much stamina, but in those days I was, at least, pretty strong even if I used up that strength quite quickly.
I'm not sure why this is - okay, I suppose I shouldn't expect to be as strong as I was over 20 years ago, but I don't see why I feel no fitter, when cycling, than I did a year ago. I've been careful to eat a balanced and good diet and to diet slowly so that I don't lose muscle rather than fat, and as you know I've been cycling several days a week throughout the year. I don't mind progress being slow, but at the moment I feel that I'm losing ground rather than gaining it. It could be that the arthritis is getting slightly worse and this is counteracting the benefit of losing weight, or it could be that I'm just a bit tired or it may be what I should expect at my age, or it could be an effect of losing weight. My leg muscles are certainly toned, but that doesn't mean they are working better. It's a nuisance because I'd like to be cycling further afield, but it's such a slog when going up the most modest hill that there is no pleasure or feeling of satisfaction in it.
I'll persevere of course and maybe I shouldn't expect more - I said a long time ago that, when thinner, I used to not have much stamina, but in those days I was, at least, pretty strong even if I used up that strength quite quickly.
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