Day 1

 People have said the muffins are the worst part and they are right.  You have three for breakfast and two for lunch and you have to eat them within 15 minutes.  I was slightly over for breakfast and that was with the help of a pint of water and a mug of tea.  They're sweet and fine-textured and just not pleasant.  The first bite or two isn't bad, but the unpleasantness builds up.  It's too much food and yet unsatisfying.  

Having said that, it's over and I don't have to do it again.  I've done the blood sample and I'm regularly testing my blood glucose level - there's an implant I've attached to my arm.  There's also a poo test, which they call poop.  I'd be quite happy with a more biologically accurate word, but no matter. Thing is, my regular habit has vanished now that I'm supposed to collect a sample.  I'm sure I'll get it tomorrow.

I'm supposed to scan the implant at least every 8 hours, but actually more often in practice as that is how you know how you react to food and drink.  Over the next fortnight, I should play with it - eat different foods in different combinations, to see how my blood glucose reacts.  

This evening, I had a fairly uninteresting meal of leftover sprats plus a little hot-smoked salmon, about 110g in total, plus 55g of leftover brown rice and 75g cooked spinach.  And two small (110ml each) glasses of wine.  That isn't a lot, now I see it written down, so I may add some fruit.  I don't do intermittent fasting as such, more IF lite, but I do leave at least 12 hours overnight between meals (this includes drinks, though herb or actual tea and coffee are okay as long as they don't have milk, sugar or artificial sweeteners).

My purpose is to find out how my body reacts to categories of food and combinations of foods and I hope to lose weight, but also to be as healthy as I can be.  I feel emotionally fragile: however well things are going on any day, the least thing raises my anxiety levels a lot.  I don't cry very often, but I'm on the verge of tears frequently.  I'm not clinically depressed and I cope reasonably well and I ask for help and I try to support friends who need it.  I actively look for moments (or more) of pleasure and joy.  I am grieving and I have worries, that's all there is to it.  It's normal and I'm just saying it, because I've hidden my feelings for many years and that doesn't help any more.